I love the word *definitely*. It is a beautiful word, it takes no prisoners (except those who cannot spell it), and when you use it, you promise to deliver. It has the power of conviction and means what it says. Yes, I love the word *definitely*.
As such, when I say "my blogsite will definitely be up and running before Christmas", that means I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO do it. Don't get me wrong, I want to do it, I'm wishing it would be done sooner but here's the thing: I'm scared. If I do this thing, and it's crap, I will have failed. However, if I do nothing and nothing happens to me and I don't get to be a writer, I never have to face up to the fact I'm potentially rubbish. I won't have failed because I never tried.
I tried to be an illustrator, and for a long time my bent ran towards all things painting and drawing. I have since completed my degree (2-1, yay!) and in the course of doing the whole thing realised I was a bit rubbish and can't actually do it (the only reason I got a 2-1 is because of the lengthy dissertation which pulled my grade up). I sort of wasted 4 years of my life pursuing an art career when all along what I should have been doing was writing. I was writing at the same time, but it's not the same.
So you see, I already know what it's like to realise everything you're doing is wrong. It's scary. I was in denial for about a year and a half that I was doing the wrong thing, because realising you've set your path in the wrong direction is scary, especially when you're in the middle of a three year course.
At the beginning of the third year I finally admitted I was doing the wrong thing, and one of the things that made me realise I was kidding myself was looking at the work of one of my friends on the course. She was doing what I wished I could but wasn't able to. I'd got to a point where whenever I was working I would rather be reading or writing, and it was hard to fight.
Taking all this into consideration, I decided against illustrating the blogsite - I had a go but things weren't exactly how I wanted them, and I don't have the skills to make it right.... So, I've asked Kirsty to do them for me!
Like me she graduates this year, and like me is just starting out doing her stuff, but her website is already some kind of awesome, and I've asked her if I can commission her to do a few pics for me when I've a bigger catalogue of work over the coming months:)
You can check out some of her work here:
In other news (briefly) I started work, it's good because it's money and it's nice to meet new people, and it motivates me because I don't want to be doing it for ever (oh, but I'm just so passionate about admin!) but sweet mercy am I tired...